March 23, 2010 - Dear Mama,

Dear Mama,
Our boys are growing up.

Over the weekend you were away, I found myself just staring at Alex and seeing our little one slowly grow into a man. I know he's only 19 months old today, but he's more of a little boy than a baby. He's quickly finding his own way and learning to navigate this world.

I know what's hitting you is the end of breast feeding. I can't imagine what sort of a connection that gave you with both our boys.

What's hitting me is that he's becoming more independent in other ways. He walks. And over the weekend I swear he was talking to Max and I -- or at least he was telling us that he's going to be talking very soon. He goes off and plays by himself. He demands things. He has wants beyond just food and diaper changes.

The weekend as single parent was hard but so much fun too. I even got to spend time with each of them alone. Friday, Max took a nap after playing at the zoo with Leslie and Clay. Thus, Alex and I got to have dinner together. He played with a ball on the deck while I grilled. And then with the weather so nice we at outside. The whole thing reminded me of when Max was a baby and he and I would go outside on the deck every morning to listen and watch the birds and squirrels.

I remember way back when I was a restless teenager and wrote that I wanted to grow up quickly because the world was changing so fast that I might not be able to do all the things I dreamed of.

And more recently I remember hoping for the days my boys were a bit older so I could selfishly have more time for myself.

Then this weekend Max was off in his world watching his TV show and Alex was playing a game only he understood walking around the house picking up various toys and moving them to what seemed like random places, it hit me like middle-age hit me:

Slow down!

We're all growing up so fast. I I barely remember my teenage angst and I hardly remember holding my babies.

I know I'm over-reacting. Max is not even four and Alex is less than half that.

I miss my babies.

And I'm so excited to see how they, us and all this turns out!