August 23, 2011 Dear Alex,

Dear Alex,
Today you turned three, started school and decided to stop wearing diapers. In a couple days we'll be moving into our new house.

You call yourself baby elephant.

You love legos, stuffed animals and applesauce.

You have a remarkable sense of humor and an infectious laugh.


You love to sleep with your mama and if she's not around, papa will do. You're the smallest one in the family and you take up the most bed space.

You've kept those big blue eyes you had at birth.

You love and admire your brother.

You've given up bananas.

You've started to want to play soccer.

You had your party at The Monkey's Treehouse and you didn't much care who was there (we invited your new classmates).

You're a determined little guy.

You're fine playing alone.

You give great hugs.

The charts say you're about exactly average height and weight.

To me, you're the perfect size for snuggling and holding in the lap.

August 13, 2011 Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,
Today Alex said something to me that was so funny but something I'm a bit embarrassed to share.

Today Alex sees me naked and says "You have a big pene, papa. And it has whiskers too."

August 3, 2011 Dear Max,

Dear Max,
Alex has an incredible Big Brother.

Alex has watched you go for two years now and has waited patiently to be old enough to go with you. Now that the start of school is just a few weeks away, Alex has started showing a bit of hesitation.

"Max, you'll hold my hand at Abintra, right?" he asked you today.

"No Alex," you quickly replied. "At Abintra we can't hold hands."

You saw the tears forming in your brother's eyes as quickly as we did.

"We can hold hands at our cubbies," you quickly added. "And we can hold hands outside."

The tears went away. The sniffles ended.

You made your brother so happy and we know you'll make him feel so safe at his new school.

July 17, 2011 - Dear Alex,

Dear Alex,
Here's some Alex stories for your scrapbook:

I was worried for a few weeks that Lentil was gone. While in Chicago I went to Macy's to see if they had another dog like him so I try to do a substitution. They didn't have one. When we got home, I found Lentil in a box full of other things.

You had a sleepover and Aunt Silvia's. In the morning, she made you pancakes. She started to put maple syrup on them. You asked her "Is it healthy syrup?"

You told mama that you needed a new stuffed animal because "Lentil laughs at me."

Then a few days later you tied up Alex and Picole with a string so they "wouldn't run away."

You and your brother came to our house closing and insisted on signing the loan papers.

July 15, 2011 - Dear Other World,

Dear Other World,
I never believed in you before I had children.

When Max was young he said something about being up in the clouds with Alex and they decided that Max should go first and then his brother would join him later.

Now Alex said that "When I was a little, little baby I was up in the sky. And then mommy found me and I fell way, way down and then I popped."

Alex told another story a week later. "All of us were up in the sky. I was sad that Max left."

Max doesn't remember being there or telling the story. Mama says she read that kids' long-term memory starts at five.

So is this a common kid story? Or did Max just forget what happened when he turned five?

Hmmm.

July 11, 2011 - Dear Coach Taylor

Dear Coach Taylor,
I know you're a fictional tv character, but where were you when I was playing high school football? Heck, where were you when I was playing any sport?

I'm still not over the disappointment of my high school athletic career thirty-plus years after graduating. I'll spare y'all the details and the whining. All I'll say here is that I wish I had a coach like Friday Night Lights Coach Taylor. I wish I had someone who believed in me, pushed me and got me to reach whatever was my highest potential.

I hope that my boys find some real role models along the way whether they be coaches, teachers, artists, poets or builders.

I have no idea what my boys will become interested in or talented at. I just hope they have someone who will encourage and mentor them along the way.

And I hope that I provide the support they'll need.

July 1, 2011 - Dear Dr. Doolittle,

Dear Dr. Doolittle,
My two-and-a-half-year-old insists he's a baby elephant. What should I do?

We were reading a book about elephants in the wild and the takers who try to capture them. There was a baby elephant in the story who ends up the hero. Ever since, my Alex calls himself a baby elephant.

I'm all for imagination.

I love animals.

And I appreciate that he may feel like he's growing up and trying to find someway to stay a baby after a year of getting mad when his brother calls him a baby.

But am I supposed to do something about this?

July 1, 2011 - Dear Monkeys,

Dear Monkeys,
I want to apologize for calling my boys "monkeys" today when they ran wild, wrestled without any regards to safety and refused to listen to my cautions.

They were certainly acting like animals. However, I think you monkeys are much more civilized than my boys were tonight.

June 26, 2011 Dear Mr. Kohler,

Dear Mr. Kohler,
Our Alex is getting closer to visiting you on a daily basis. First, we moved him to a little toilet when he had that look in his face that says I'm getting ready to poop. He did.

Then he got up and announced I don't want to wear a diaper.

I said Ok, but if you have to pee you need to tell me.

About 10 minutes later I found him peeing in the Kohler toilet in our bathroom.

May 5, 2011 - Dear Steve C.,

Dear Steve C.,
I heard some kid at school teasing my son and it made me think about the bad stuff I did to you as a kid.

I have no clue why you became the kid we all made fun of. Looking back, I'm ashamed of it all.

I know I said "sorry" when I saw you the night before our 30th high school reunion. You were the bigger man and said "It was no big deal." You said that you understood that you were a nerd back then. You told me you did just fine.

When I heard that kid say "Hey diaper," to my kid I felt for him and for you.

Again, I'm sorry.

April 30, 2011 - Dear Alex,

Dear Alex,
Here's some April 2011 updates I've been meaning to write about. (I promise to get back to the spirit of this blog soon).

- You've been so tired at night that you don't participate in our ritual: "What's your favorite thing of the day?"

Instead you say "I'll tell you in the morning."




- We visited Chicago in mid April for our annual Opening Day baseball game. You took a liking to grandma's little stuffed red bird and carried him everywhere. You took "Birdie" to the train where we headed to the airport with the full intention of giving him to grandma before we got on the train. During the quick good byes, giving him back was forgotten. When we got on the train you cried because Birdie couldn't go back home.

- We had our first school review. They said that at first you were shy but after a bit you now talk and play with your school friends. They said you light up every time they talked about your brother Max.

- After we were home for a couple weeks with Birdie you told mama that Birdie wanted to go home. "How do you know that?" mama asked. "Birdie has a sad look in his eyes," you said.





- You and Max helped me shop for mother's day presents. At first you both insisted on getting her a gift card to Popo, a hip toy store. After looking around, you decided to get her a dinosaur building kit. Max got her a harmonica. You both asked continuosly whether mama would share her gifts with you.

March 30, 2011 - Dear Alex,

Dear Alex,
A random list of things I've made notes about but haven't blogged.

- Way back in January you surprised me and started singing along with the CDs in the car.

- In early March, you and Max were showing that you knew the difference between boys and girls. I asked whether your stuffed pigeon was a boy or girl. "Girl," you said. "How do you know?" I asked. "It doesn't have a pene."

- In March you said you wanted to go to ballet class. I'm guessing it came from seeing cousin Sofia do a dance recital. We signed you up for a movement class that you call ballet and thoroughly enjoy. On Class 1, you, me and mama all jumped liked frogs, stretched and jumped over imaginary puddles. Max joined us one Thursday when he was on school break. You loved the moving, the learning and the opportunity to express yourself.

- You and I have started our guy night out. You like to eat dinner in my office. We eat dinner on the floor and then you play with the stapler, paper shredder, ink stamps and calculator. One night we stopped at Smiling Elephant for me to get Thai food for our picnic. You saw a calculator near their cash register and wanted to play with it. "I have one in my office, you can use that one," I said. "You have two in your office," you corrected me. "Can I play with the blue one?" It amazed me that you knew I had a blue calculator. I didn't know that.

- Blue has become your color of choice. Sometimes it borders on obsession: "I want a blue one." (cry, cry). Mostly it's just your preference. Max usually likes red or green.

- You and I went to Target. We passed the woman's underwear section. You pointed to a manikin wearing a bra. "Mama has some of these." - You've started taking my teddy bear as your baby of choice to sleep with.

- You're now still requesting? demanding? a banana in the morning for your breakfast but typically you eat no more than half of it.

January 31, 2011 - Dear Maria Montessori,

Dear Maria Montessori, We've become converts.

After almost two years of having Max in a Montessori school, we feel like we've drunk the Kool Aid, learned the secret handshake and joined the cult.

Our Max has blossomed into a mature, self-directed, insightful, fun, caring boy.

And now we're ready to send our Alex to absorb your lessons.

Alex had his observation at Abintra today and he did well. He has been at the school a few times so he is fairly familiar with the materials. He easily did some basic lessons and very willingly followed the guides to find something more challenging.

Afterwards, he handed Max a drawing he did using the metal inserts.

"It looks like he's ready," brother Max declared. "Do you like Abintra, Alex?"

"Too much," Alex replied.

I remember back in high school when I was miserable and my mom took me to see other schools, including a Montessori school. I wasn't willing then to leave my friends, my sports and my comfort zone even though all of which were disappointing me.

And I look back on how school took the love of learning out of me. I don't remember taking books, discussions or anything home with me from school. I remember spending class time doing the reading lessons they wanted us to do at home and ignoring the teacher. I remember teachers not being able to explain to me why anything they were teaching me was important. And I remember getting and being happy with the Bs and B-s that I mostly got.

I just pull into the Abintra campus and get excited for my boys. School should be interesting. School should be about getting kids to want to explore and learn on their own. The whole lecture & memorize routine that I went through was a real downer.

I remember going to a parent night and learning how Montessori teaches math with beads on strings and shaped like cubes. Literally, the geometry formulas that I was told to memorize suddenly made sense to me. Why oh why couldn't a teacher back then realize that this stuff wasn't making any conceptual sense to me rather than treating me like I wasn't smart enough or that I was too lazy to learn it?

It's really kind of weird to me that you created these methods to teach street kids who were deemed beyond able to learn and now I'm paying tens of thousands of dollars a year to have my kid learn them.

I also fantasize sometimes about the community of a public school: the PTA meetings, the sports and the shows. Ultimately, I think about the jealousy I feel about my kids' education and I decide the expense, the extra work it'll take to get them into outside activities & the long drives are worth it.

I don't want my boys spending more time thinking of ways to get a decent grade than spending learning something they enjoy.

I heard a parent's Montessori story that hits me: "My kid didn't do well on an exam," the parent said. "His friend said 'But do you know the material?' Yes, my kid said. 'So who cares about the test?" the friend concluded.

And that sums up Montessori and my education desires for my kids.

Who cares about the test if you're learning and happy.

January 29, 2011 - Dear Mr. Picasso

Dear Mr. Picasso, Please tell me how to nurture this boys' interest and talent.

Not sure how or when he learned it. Certainly it wasn't from me.

But my Alex seems to be drawing at a level beyond his years. Of course much of his work is just lines and colors. But at two-years-old, his lines and curves and other shapes seem much sharper than his brother at an older age.

And this drawing of what Alex named himself "Beaver on a Branch" just blew me away.

January 28, 2011 - Dear Dr. Jazz

Dear Dr. Jazz,
My attempt to relive part of my childhood this week started off great, took a turn in the middle and then ended up okay. I took the X Boys to see Chaplin shorts that were playing at a church with a live organist.

I have lots of fond memories going to see Chaplin films at the theater and then at Dr. Jazz, an old Chicago ice cream parlour.

Before going, I found a few shorts on youtube to introduce the boys to The Tramp. All went well until I put on The Kid before running upstairs.

Irma told me Max was the most shook up and sad that she's ever saw him. Someone stole a baby and Max couldn't relate to what he was seeing. He questioned. He cried. He got quiet. All while I was upstairs. I came down expecting to see a boy excited to see Chaplin films and instead found a boy that in a way lost his innocence.

Parenting Lesson # Whatever: Kids at this age can't distinguish between cartoon violence and real violence. Of course, that begs the question of why parents allow their kids to watch lots of different cartoons, but that's their deal. I'm done trying to save the world. Please just let me do right by my kids.

We ended up going to see the films, which due to technical difficulty started late. The first was about The Tramp getting drunk and acting silly. We explained that away as him drinking "Funny Water." We didn't make it through all three films.

Parent Lesson # Whatever + 1: There is plenty of time to introduce your kids to what you loved as a kid.