Dear Child Therapists, My second son turned one a few days ago and I realized that no matter how much I think I'm raising him the same as his brother, his early experiences are very different.
This is normal and he'll turn out just fine, right?
On a simple level, now that there are two of the we simply don't have the time or -- admittedly -- the energy to give him everything his brother had. Alex is breast-feeding longer, sleeping worse and taking longer to walk than his brother. Perhaps this is because we haven't given Alex all the one-on-one and two-on-one attention his brother got. Perhaps we do more letting the two boys play with toys on the floor rather than take the time to hold Alex's hands as we walk him around the room. Perhaps the breast-feeding and non-sleeping-through-the-night is due to his need to have comfort at night rather than some of the chaos of our daily lives. I hate to admit some of the things that Max got that Alex hasn't got starting with his own decorated room (Alex's room doubles as a play room). Two of my favorite early memories of Max involve the planet mobile we put above his bed. I think it was the first time I clearly saw his instinctual curiosity come to the surface. Later, when I made the planets move, he smiled and I saw how he would enjoy the world. Alex hasn't got a mobile. I don't want this to sound like an apology or to make it seem like Alex is some sort of deprived child. I am an over-thinker so maybe I'm over-thinking this to.
Alex does get as much attention as we can give him and he is loved as much as his brother. All I'm trying to say is that his world has been different. I've also realized that there is no way we -- or anyone -- can raise their kids the same.
I also know that Alex has had experiences his brother never had and is advancing in some ways faster than his brother. Having an older brother has divided his parents attention which has allowed Alex to become more comfortable playing by himself than I remember Max being at this age. Alex is similarly more content with what comes his way than Max -- again, perhaps because he has learned that compromise and waiting is normal. (Then again, trying to remember what Max was like two years ago isn't as easy as one without kids would believe). This doesn't mean that Alex doesn't have desires and doesn't voice his wants and frustrations. He is very communicative and let's us know what he wants. He grunts, he points and he leans toward whatever it is he wants. He also seems to be a faster crawler, being able to go from being put down in one room to another room before I'm able to sit down and play with him.
As a second son, you'd think I'd be overly concerned that my second son would get everything his older brother got. I promise I try.
As a parent of two active boys, I do my best to give both my boys my best. Sometimes my best means getting them less stuff and giving them more time to themselves.
This is all okay, right?
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