Dear Jane Nelson, First, thanks for your book Positive Discipline. My wife and I just took a PD class and now I'm reading your book. It's a revelation. It's changing the way I interact with my children. And it's got me reflecting on my upbringing and making me confront why I am who I am and do what I do. I mean all of this in a good way!
I think this story explains your point about needing to figure out why someone does what they do rather than jump to conclusions.
Our three-year-old ran across the room and basically tackled his one-year-old brother. He laid on top of him and held him tight. All the why he was smiling and laughing. My wife and I reverted to what you'd call reptile brains and aggressively pulled Max off his brother.
We then violated all your rules and yelled at him, put him in his room and shut the door. The whole time he was smiling and laughing.
A few minutes later he came out of his room, still smiling and laughing, and said to his mama "Mama, wasn't that amazing!"
"What was so amazing," mama puzzingly asked.
"I was hugging Alex. You were hugging me. And papa was hugging all of us."
We learned our lesson.
We then gave Max a lesson on how to hug his brother.
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