Dear Alex,I fell in love with you tonight.
Of course I've loved you from the start. But just like your brother I needed a moment to hit me over the head to tell me that this little boy is my life.
Tonight you're sick. You got some sort of hive from crawling around on a rug. You were acting a bit strange. You couldn't sleep. You wrestled in mama's arms. You played. You were very uncomfortable. As much as we don't like to give you medicine, we gave you a bit of Benadryl.
Mama and I sat on the couch with you rotating between us. I held you. I looked into your eyes and I saw a look that scared the hell out of me and I knew then that I loved you.
You were absent.
Your charm. Your happy nature. Your curiosity. Everything about you was gone.
"Don't go," I said.
A minute later you were smiling and I breathed a bit easier.
Then I got the look again.
It's 1:46am. You've been in your crib a couple hours. Mama's upstairs asleep.
I'm awake checking on your breathing every so often.
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