Dear X Boys, Yesterday was (as Max likes to say) "the best" Father's Day ever.
The day started for me a bit later than normal as I slept until about 8am. When I walked downstairs and saw how excited my two boys were to celebrate Father's Day, I couldn't help feel special.
Lately Max says several times a day "You're the best papa in the whole wide world" or "You're the best mama..." or "You're the best Alex..." Seeing my boys jump up and down made me feel he's right -- or at least feel you two believe it, which is just as good.
Us three boys spent the morning having breakfast at Bongo and going to Costco while mama did yoga. Later mama and I took off for the movies (Karate Kid). Our late-afternoon plan of going swimming ended when we found out the pool closes early on Sunday. So instead we planned supper and when I couldn't get our new sprinkler ball blown up we figured it would be another play, cartoon, bath, book and bedtime evening.
Things changed when Alex and I went to throw out the garbage. On the way back I saw the sprinkler. And so I yelled for mama to bring out the bathing suits. I got the same excited reaction that I got in the morning when Max first jumped through the sprinkler on his own and Alex jumped through in my arms. I wasn't sure how Alex would like it. But he laughed as hard as he ever has -- and he has such an infectious laugh that it made Father's Day even better. What incredible sons I have. I'm so proud of them and excited to see them grow.
I'm also feeling that loss many parents describe when their kids' grow out of each stage. I think I was so busy trying to juggle everything that I didn't mark the passing of Alex -- our youngest -- from baby to toddler. But now that he's a toddler and talking a bit, running and communicating and ... I'm realizing that I won't have these little boys for much longer. I remember saying it was Max and now I feel it again with Alex: I'm going to miss those little sounds. The little pouts or grunts or sweet sighs he makes when he's trying to express himself and can't yet so the words. And I'll especially miss the way he sings 'Nooooooo" when he's playfully telling me he doesn't want what I'm offering (I love that song even when it's a hug he refuses.)
I look at Alex and wonder who it is trapped in that little body and how long it is before the artist, athlete, scholar or whatever takes over. Now he's a bit of all of these things and it's probably the best stage ever. He experiments. He concentrates on one thing one day and he ignores it the next. I relate to Alex more and more every day as the second son. I notice sometimes that we're so busy entertaining Max's desires that Alex seems ignored. He doesn't seem unhappy. He finds something to busily entertain himself and he seems perfectly content. He reminds me of me in that sense. I remember disappearing into my imagination or into made up games competing against myself. I wonder if it was my way of dealing with my older, more active, more demanding brother.
I'm not saying that Max (or Kenny) did/do anything wrong. He's older. He's more active. He can express himself more clearly and more loudly. He knows where more things are. As much as we want our boys to have equal opportunities I realize they won't and don't. They have different opportunities. That's not good or bad. It just is.
Alex learns so much from Max. He imitates him constantly and he's willing to do anything that Max does. In this sense, Alex has such an advantage.
And Max learns so much from Alex. He is so comforting, so loving and so much a teacher. Just this morning Max was showing Alex picture flash cards and testing Alex to see if he could pronounce the words. In this way, Max has such an advantage. As I tell Max every day "I love being these boys' father." And I sure hope that how Max responds today remains so. "I love being your kid."
